An Exquisite Prompt inspired by Exquisite Corpse author Gregory Maguire, Madeline W. of Richmond, VA, Anna M. of Wilmington, DE, and others
Whether he's writing for adults or for children, a lot of Gregory Maguire's books have a fairy tale back-story. In his imaginative retellings, certain elements remain that help remind the reader of the original fairy tale. It's almost as if he has a catalog of fabulous fairy tale objects. Our own Fairy Tale Catalog, made up of winning and other excellent student writing, is brimming with descriptive copy for all kinds of fabulous fairy tale objects. Browse the Catalog and think about what you'd buy from the Catalog. Imagine that you made a purchase of one of the fairy tale objects, but when you received and tried it, were dissatisfied with your purchase. Write a review of the product for the Catalog to warn other shoppers about product quality, customer service or unmet expectations. Be specific about how you used the product and in what circumstances it did not work as advertised.
K. Van Riper
My Gingerbread House: Why I Sold It Back to the Realtor
Some things look appealing on the outside, but are too appealing for their own good. The gingerbread house I bought was one of them. Take it from an experienced house cleaner.
You see, when the dwarf's cottage got a little, let's say, moldy, even I didn't want to clean it up. We started looking on the house market, but with all the housing bubbles, we found it took a long time to find our "perfect cottage". Then, as I was sitting reading the Fairy Tale Catalog, I saw the perfect house. Pretty, relatively fair-priced, in a forest setting so if it ever got dusty my animal friends could come hang out and help. Nice place, good realtor, and the house has some deep Grimm's roots. My dwarves gathered up a few sacks of diamonds from the mine, and we sent 'em off to Fairy Tale Inc. In a few days, we were all moved in.
At first, it seemed like paradise. The whole house always smelled like gingerbread, and the decor was SO old-fashioned and chic. All my friends were totally jealous. Even Briar Rose had to wake up from a nap to come out and visit us.
But soon I realized we hadn't considered the neighbors. Now, you may remember that it's quite remote, but often people forget about the animals as neighbors too. I was so offended when, while practicing for German Idol in the backyard, a bear stuck GRASS in his EARS and started EATING our HOUSE! Well, I got him out of there with my trusty broom, but I found this was the least of my problems with this cursed house.
There were always these annoying little children wandering around the woods. "I fink dat we're wost." YOU try hearing that every five minutes when you're TRYING to make DINNER! Then, when they caught sight of my house, they were all, "Yum yums!" I told them I had paid good money for this house, and that I was going to call the police if they didn't skee-daddle. The older one rolled his eyes and said, "Sorry ma'am, we're looking for a kind old lady. Obviously-" But I cut him off. "You think I look like an old lady? I read Beautiful Briar Fashion mag every DAY so I can get the hottest reviews on skin care. Now, get out!" Boy, did they look scared of me. Good, I thought, and they went looking for their 'old lady' again.
But the worst was when the dwarves came home from work. They were all beat up! They told me that on the way home from the mines, some guy came and attacked them, taking all their days work. I'm talking DIAMONDS here! Emeralds! Rubies (which go great with my hair)! I had no idea this was such a dangerous neighborhood.
I sold this house back to Fairy Tale Realtors. Recently my prince HAS come, and we're movin' to a castle! I ran out of that forest as fast as I could the second I woke up from that evil lady's stupid apple, and then I rode off into the sunset, because the sunset was blocked by the dense trees in Gingerbread Forest.
So a note to house buyers: This house looks cute at first, but beware of the location! Also, never a plus to have an edible house, it discourages animal house-cleaning cause all they want to do it eat. Better to stick with castles, princesses!
Review for Magic Stones: The Small Stone
I am writing to inform you that if you are thinking of purchasing "The Small Stone," you should give it a second thought because after you here what happened to me, you might change your mind. The package with the stone in it arrived on November 14, 2011. I started wishing right away. I followed all the directions enclosed in the package. When I wished, I was extra, extra careful not to do anything wrong. I was afraid of what might happen if I wasn't.
I wished to live in a mansion, with an indoor pool and many, many, servants. Instead I got a house that looked like a very old shed that might have been one hundred years old! The wood was peeling off the shed, and all of my precious belongings were gone! I frantically looked around for my neighbors to ask them for help. All I could see was people shooting at each other! I ran to a man lying down next to a tree. I asked, "What is going on! Where am I!" He answered, "This is the Civil War, ma'am. What do you think this is?"
I went back to the beat-up shed and looked for the magic stone. It was on the ground, but it seemed to be losing its ruby-red color. In the directions it said that if it loses it's ruby-red color it won't work for very much longer. I quickly picked it up and wished for my own house. Fortunately, it worked, but none of my belongings were there, and it looked older than I remembered it.
It cost me a fortune to buy all of my things again, and the makers of the magic stone would not lend me a penny! All of my antiques were gone. I could never buy any of them again, for they don't sell them any more. None of my family or friends believed that I had been at the Civil War battlefield. So they wouldn't help me a bit.
Please listen to my advice and give it a second thought before buying this $10,000,000 item. I was almost broke when I got back from the Civil War because I spent most of my money on "The Small Stone." Just be careful for what you wish for or something so unfortunate might happen to you too.
Review for The Wishing Bracelet
My school year had not been going well. So, I purchased this wishing bracelet in the hope that this would help me improve my year.
However, things didn't go quite the way I wanted. Orange is supposed to give me happiness so I tried it before my "About Unicorns" test. POOF! The next day, my friend Rachel passed with an A+ and got an official unicorn stamp of approval and I flunked with a D+.
I decided to try a different bead. I tried red. As I had flunked my test, a sweet dream would cheer me up. POOF! I had a nightmare about a unicorn chasing after me, its powerful hooves making holes in the ground. I let out a bloodcurdling scream, like a Banshee.
Finally, I twisted the last bead. Green. Maybe if I twisted green, for family, I could get a baby sister to share my problems with. POOF! Two weeks later, at the Healing Hospital, my mother had not one but two babies! Boys! I nearly fainted.
It had been almost a month and I noticed my skin on my wrist had started to itch. It turns out the silk in the bracelet had given me "maladimus" (a lilac colored itchy rash).
I called customer service in the hope they would refund my money. "It says on the box that you should be aware of maladimus" they said. "Didn't you see it?".
The warning about maladimus was in very small print. Also the beads didn't work properly, so I DO NOT recommend this product.